Randy McDonald (rfmcdpei) wrote,
Randy McDonald

[BRIEF NOTE] What do you do when the news reads like The Onion?

Take Erin Carlson's Associated Press article "Pitt and Jolie: Beautiful Baby?". This article reacts to the not-unexpected news that not only are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie involved, but that Jolie is now pregnant.

If the two most gorgeous people in the world had a child, what would it look like? Angelina Jolie will answer that question this summer, when the bombshell "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" actress is due to give birth to boyfriend Brad Pitt's baby.

[. . . T]heir new addition will be the glamorous couple's first biological baby, a presumable shoo-in for "Sexiest Offspring Alive."

That would follow in the parents' footsteps. Jolie was named Esquire magazine's "Sexiest Woman Alive" in 2004, while Pitt was named People magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" in 1994 and 2000.

Dr. Lawrence Reed, a New York City-based plastic surgeon, said the child's good genes will in all likelihood make his services unnecessary.

"You have a very beautiful mother with great bone structure," said Reed. "You have a very handsome father with excellent bone structure and facial features. The genetic prediction would make this child have a greater chance by far of being what everyone would consider an attractive baby, an attractive person."

Reed said he predicts Brangelina's baby will be "much taller" than Pitt, who stands at 6 feet, and the 5 feet, 7 inches Jolie.

"The eyes will be incredible," he said. "I can't see this ever not working out."

[. . . A]s Dr. Jasper Rine, a genetics professor at the University of California at Berkeley, points out, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

"Based upon my many years of experience with genetics and as a parent, I can safely predict that the two parents will consider their baby beautiful."

This is not a satire; I checked. This deadpan speculation is our quotidian reality, people.
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