May 30th, 2002


The whole concept of "eye candy" is something quite new to me. Until very recently, I didn't bother looking at people, of either gender, at all. I don't know why: perhaps it was because I didn't imagine having any kind of a sex life myself, so why look at the people I passed by on the street or in university halls or wherever?

This has changed. Firstly, because I came out (first to myself, then others) and realized that I may as well have a sex life, even if only by imagining and looking like everyone else.

Secondly, because I happened to come out to myself at a time when winter ended, spring began, and people began wearing lighter clothes, showing more flesh ...

I notice individuals of both sexes, though I think the ratio is biased more towards guys than girls. Different places, too, which suggests interesting things. Didn't Dan Savage ID bisexuals as people with a fetish? In a very odd kind of way, he might be right.

It's raining now, which is good to ward off any possibility of drought. My sinuses are itching, but the partially-completed treatment must have done something, else I'll look into acupuncture. I think I know how to tell my parents, but I'm still wary. I'm thinking of travelling far and wide, which is cool; I hate to say "personal growth," but that's what I'll be doing.

So. Until later!
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On Journals

Sir Andrew MacPhail (1864-1938) is a native-born Islander who has achieved a fair degree of renown, as a writer and historical personage. His semi-autobiographical novel (though classified as biographical under the Dewey Decimal System) The Master's Wife is a wonderful description of life, as it was, in his childhood in the late 19th century in a conservative Highland Scots settlement.

On the first page of my edition (republished in 1994), there is a quote:

"The remembrance of any life, rich and fresh, should not be lost to the world."

This is a profoundly ethical statement. Firstly, that all life is important, and that memory of life should be maintained post-morten. Secondly, it implies that we all can benefit from these memories of lives lived, not only the author though codification of dispersed memories can be a help, but an audience which can enjoy and benefit from these memories. Souvenirs of the mind, as you were, not manufactured in Anhui or Chennai, but something authentic.