October 5th, 2002

A First Rationalization of My Life

I'd written that my personality test warned that under extreme stress, I could become "overly focused on specific details that they normally do not notice or usually see as unimportant."

I've just realized that I'm doing this, with my chapter summaries of my history courses--Canadian History in particular, but also British history. I read quite well; I don't need to make detailed chapter-by-chapter notes of the books. It takes up far too much of my precious time. Particularly since those courses look to be easy, Canadian history in particular. I'll just type in the existing notes on my Canadian history text and leave it there.

Now, for my American history course, I do need to type up the summaries; they're required. It's not onerous, though, so I don't have a problem with it. Only one course.

And back to work.

A Thought on Emotional Distance

I'm listening to my New Order CDs again. (Brotherhood, Republic, and the 1987 Substance collection.) Descended from Joy Division, New Order was an interesting group--English, post-punk, electronic. "Bizarre Love Triangle" is their most famous song:

Every time I see you falling,
I get down upon my knees and pray

Ah, wonderful group. And they, too, have reunited, I understand.

Lately, I've been wondering about my emotional distance, what seems to me like my apparent lack of profoundly powerful feelings. I feel, still, oddly restrained or exhausted, despite everything that's happened in the last (God) eight months. I feel content, for instance, but I rarely feel happy. For the time being, I see two possible causes:

  • I'm temperamentally not given to profound emotion, or at least not often.

  • I've not yet experienced the event, or series of events, which will let me feel profoundly.

To be honest, right now I'm not particularly concerned by this: So long as I can count on feeling some emotions, and participating in social things, I don't think I'll be too worried. So far, at least. Has anyone else noticed a lack of emotional depth in their lives?
  • Current Music
    New Order, "Bizarre Love Triangle"