Randy McDonald (rfmcdpei) wrote,
Randy McDonald

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[MEME] What would my conspiracy theory be?

I've been tagged with an interesting meme by Patrick Banks. What would my conspiracy theory be? Find out.

* * *

Who are the bad guy(s)/gal(s)/alien(s) in your conspiracy? What is it they are conspiring for?
Christian Dufour, in his 1990 A Canadian Challenge/Le défi québécois, made the point that beginning with the foundation of New France in the early 17th century the peoples of what is now Canada have been locked in a conflictual relationship with the United States. After we helped Britain raze Washington D.C., we've moved away from armed conflict towards quieter but no less determined efforts to consolidate our distinct cultural identities against the United States. Why? In part, so we'd have a secure base of operations.

"Bad" is a relative term. This conspiracy is "bad" for Americans, since they are destined to fall under Canadian hegemony and become our kine at a point in time no later than the 2050s. This conspiracy is good for Canadians since, well, we finally get to dominate the North American continent. After a series of failed attempts, first under the French then in the first generation of British rule, to conquer the United States, the various elites in the colonies which came to unite as Canada decided to take over the Union from the inside. The massive southwards migration of Canadians has worked nicely. Not only are many border regions of the United States--the entire state of Vermont, for instance--mostly populated by people of Canadian descent who are secretly loyal to Ottawa, but many of the United States' most prominent celebrities are actually Canadian. Did you know that Christina Aguilera is part-Newfoundlander, for instance? Quiet cultural engineering has worked wonders. Sooner rather than later, Americans will grow tired of their dubious independence. We'll be waiting to assume the protectorate as soon as you are ready to give up that annoying thing you Americans call "independence."

How long have they been at it?
We started with Champlain. After a generation's lag time, the British decided to adopt the Canadiens' strategy.

How are you going to spread the word of this threat?
I'll let those Americans who I like in on the secret. If you read my livejournal, you deserve not to be made kine--I'd be quite happy to recommend you as collaborationists. Otherwise, I'll be quiet. I want to live long enough to have indentured servants, to be honest.

Are our elected officials in on the plot?
Yours aren't. Ours are, of course, even the Conservatives. What better way is there to neutralize your Republicans than to quietly subvert them with the example of a softer Canadian conservatism, given our established skills at manipulation?

Name three people you are tagging for this meme.
Pearsall Helms, pauldrye, and orlandobr.
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